Minister’s Letter 2/1/2025
Beloved Friends,
Last Sunday I preached about the challenges of individualism within Unitarian Universalism and the answer of celebrating our interdependence. It is always a blessing, and a responsibility I take seriously, to share with you from our pulpit. Thank you for the trust you put in me. I am using my letter this month to talk about something I am hoping we might do differently at our church, something that might help us with our sense of interdependence.
I have been hearing that quite a number of people who visit our church are not being welcomed on Sunday mornings and are struggling to feel connected to our community. I recently visited another Unitarian Universalist congregation and was surprised to be at coffee hour and have no one come up and greet me. It did not feel very good. Going to a new church is a big deal. People are taking a risk when they come into our community. They are trying something new and starting to put themselves out there. Maybe they are lifelong UUs. Maybe they are new to our faith. Maybe they are going through a terribly difficult time. Maybe they want to celebrate a new job. The possibilities are endless, but if you are not speaking with them, you will never know. I want to make a couple of suggestions.
During our welcome each Sunday we encourage visitors to use blue mugs if they want people to come up to them. This is a great practice that I feel quite good about. It is also insufficient. Someone may not feel like they are quite new enough to do so or maybe they feel a bit anxious about indicating to everyone that they are new. This does not mean they do not want to be approached. If you see someone who you do not know, or do not know well, please go up and speak with them. Most Unitarian Universalists say that they go to church not necessarily for the theological reflection but for the connection to community. We can only build community if we do the work. I do, also, want to invite newer people to try on asserting yourself if that feels good to you. Go up to someone else and say hello. Try out the DRUUMM Allies question or ask someone what they thought of the sermon. You just had a shared experience, rely on that as an ice breaker.
Here is a way to think about it, if it helps. One-third of your time at church should be spent with people you know, love, and care about already. Two-thirds of your time should be connecting with other people. Does that feel like a lot? That’s okay, see what it would be like to strive for that break down. Maybe it does not happen right away, but at least think about more than half of your time as focused on relating to people you do not know. Sometimes these people will be brand new. Other times they will be longer time members who you just have not had a chance to get to know yet.
One key piece of advice, a request really. Please do not ask anyone if it is their first time at church. You may not have met them yet, but they may have been coming for a while and it can feel alienating to be asked if one is new when they are not. Instead, you can say, “Hello, my name is _____, we haven’t had a chance to get to know each other yet. What did you think of the service today?” Put the emphasis on you not knowing them yet rather than them not being connected to the community. While we may not all become best friends at church, we are all in the same community together and are responsible for one another’s wellbeing. This is why we sent around the requests for people to sign up for pastoral care support and one-on-one coffee/tea hang outs. Let us do the shared ministry of building beloved community and loving one another.
In faithful solidarity,
